Sickipedia

Whats the definition of Irony? Size 22 Skinny jeans.

I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on. I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?". He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".

Some Russian guy has found a cure for the common cold. Benylin Forchestikov.

The guy from across the road was looking distraught, so I asked him what was up. He said, “My wife’s just told me she’s been having an affair with Dave the milkman,”. I asked, “What? That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?” “Yes,” he laughed, cheering up a bit. I said, “Why would Dave the milkman want to Shag that?”

Glasgow and Las Vegas The only two places in the world you can pay for sex with chips

They say English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" Where Blacksmiths. "Taylors", Where Tailors What the fuck did the Dickinsons do?

A man walks into an Ann Summers shop, and asks for a see through negligee, size 54-52-58. The assistant looks at him and says," Why the fuck would you want to see through that?".

Aww, I rememer last xmas, we were playing charades and my grandad was up, all of a sudden he collapsed on the floor, did a huge fart and died, I said "Gone with the wind?"....

I met a girl in a club last night, after a few drinks she asked if I would like to go back to her place for sex, I didn't want to disappoint her, So I said "No".

A Scouser started working at our place today. About fucking time, Hes been here two years.