Sickipedia

It's comforting to know that the hapless American, Prince Harry, is ensuring that the 'right' people are around Her Majesty. His next visit will be either her Platinum Jubilee or her funeral...Whichever comes first

The hapless Prince Harry and the witch Megan make a whistlestop visit to the UK to see her Majesty. A) To make sure she was still alive as he may not get another chance and B) To get more material for his next, no holds barred, book on the Royals. (Available at all good book stores)

New York police have arrested Frank James in connection with the 10 shootings at Brooklyn Subway and to everyone's amazement, he wasn't accidentally, shot dead! What is the world coming to...

And who is the famous storyteller on Jackanory tonight? He's well known, has a recognizable face, has the ability to make the worst of life seem like a bed of roses. He's polite, sincere, and is by far, the biggest storyteller of his generation. It is, of course, Vladimir Putin

Just to give you a clue as to what Pussy Puttin intends to do consider AIR NUKE, an anagram of Ukraine.

A collection was held in Acton today for the late Jamal Edwards. They raised 22 knives, 3 machetes, and a pistol.

Congratulations to our British Winter Olympic team who has won silver, they now comfortably sit just above Jamaica in the medal table. Really makes you feel proud of our nation.

I feel sorry for Andy. All he can get away with shagging now is the Cabbage Patch Doll or Fergie as she likes to be called.

Just saw an advert for grapes on the tv and knew instantly that it was for Waitrose. After all, they are now the only ones who don't use blacks in their adverts.

Kurt Zouma is just what the England Team needs for their world cup squad. Not only does he not give a fuck about anything, but he might also be in line for the Golden Boot. Now that would be CATastrophic.