Sickipedia

Fuck off I’m going to find a friendly site

The dyslexic innuendo society have just announced a huge rose in their members.

In business news, the design house Hugo Boss have just announced a rebranding. From now on the company wish to be named Joe Lycett. They have warned that they will sue any individual who attempts to use their new name for desperate, publicity stunt purposes.

Family of dead Coronavirus victim complain that they are unable to bury their parent because they’ve all had to self isolate. A headline gift for the Sunday Sport editor... Coffin’s stopped

The erectile dysfunction society have reported a severe drop in their members.

I was in Beirut pub the other night listening to two locals chatting. Man1: this place is becoming a complete shit hole, what with the derelict buildings and kids who want to kill you. Man 2: Yeah! I reckon we ought to be twinned with Bridgwater * *insert your local crap town name here.

I saw a fantastic documentary that showed how steel panels were attached to ships in the 1930’s. It was riveting.

I actually thought that my wife had remembered my birthday this morning. Then it dawned on me that she was just washing her hands.

My wife has just returned from northern Italy. What a fortnight I’ve got planned.

My wife has just informed me that, if I’m a good boy this week she’ll give me blow job on Valentine’s Day. Now I appreciate that that’s not the kind of high quality promise it used to be but I’m really looking forward to it. It’ll be nice to have a break from her nagging for a short while. Fingers crossed my erectile dysfunction will be playing up, we might manage half an hour’s peace and quiet before she gives up.