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jmonty

Member since 7 years ago

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jmonty

5 months ago-Other-Thoughts

You ever pee so hard it makes the toilet flush automatically? It makes you feel really powerful for a couple seconds

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jmonty

7 months ago-Wordplay-Wordplay

If opinions are like assholes, then conjectures are like heads, stuck up one’s own asshole

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Hey little Zelly, I know the big bad gooch Vladdy has been picking on you and causing you tons of grief. How about this, you give me your lunch money everyday and I'll tell that bully to knock it off. Promise. Pinky swear. Do we have a deal?

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I always said Haitians make the best hotdogs

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What's brown, hard, 10 inches long, with a wet end after sucking on it? A black cock, you cigar haters

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jmonty

one year ago-Other-Professions

ProTip for any cashiers out there. When handing over change, first place the coins in my hand, and then the bills on top. I trust your math skills

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Black girl sees a gynecologist for the first time Doc says, "So, what kind of flow do you have?" Girl says, "Linoleum"

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Say what you will about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly through school zones

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Happy 4th everybody. And, on this special day just remember the most important thing. Never put ketchup on your hotdog

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jmonty

2 years ago-Funny-blonde

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

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