Sickipedia

"Victory for brexit Britain!" Proclaimed The Express today, regarding Unilever's choice to keep making marmite in the UK. So investors have moved another £9 million abroad this year, but it's ok cause we are keeping our marmite factory.

85% of homeless are men 76% of suicides are men 70% of murder victims are men 92% of deaths in the workplace are men 7% of men get custody after a divorce 97% of war deaths are men The joke is feminism; the idea that society oppresses women is laughable. Feminism is weak women using their gender as a reason for being weak and need to go to seminars and listen to some sour-cunted hag talk about female empowerment to feel fucking validated when in reality you're just a vagina with legs that makes sandwiches.

Don't send dick pics, girls aren't interested, even if it's huge. Send a picture of your bank statement - they care much more about the size of that.

If you pull a pin from a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.

I work for Sky TV customer support; and I just had the worst customer of my life. A confused old lady called Mrs May was struggling to understand that if she leaves Sky, she won't be able to watch our channels anymore, she can't just 'pick the bits she wants', and if she leaves her contract early, there'll be a charge. She really struggled understanding that. She seemed to think that if she left sky, she'd somehow get more channels than before?! I mean really, what kind of idiot thinks they can get more channels by cancelling their subscription, won't have to pay to leave a contract; and more incredible still, thinks the half of her family who personally voted to keep sky will eat their words when all these other providers offer her millions of channels for free....

Bloody millennials, walking round like they rent the place

If your wife ever says she wants to go anywhere you don't want to, simply say, "Oh yeah, that's where the really hot blonde works". Problem solved.

Two inches of snow - the entire country stops. I'm sure we'll be fine without the EU looking after us.

Why do the teletubbies all go to the bathroom at the same time? They've only got one Tinky Winky.

Where do Muslims buy their car parts? Halalfords.