Sickipedia

It must be really confusing for Geordies that Aldi isn't open 24/7.

Those blind footballers in The Paralympics are amazing. One of them hit the post earlier, although it wasn't the ball, it was his head, and his teammate kicked the fuck out of an English morris dancer.

So Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland stay at home and England are out. Sounds more like the World Cup Finals.

Someone has just bet me that I cannot make a sentence without using the letter 'e'. How in fuck am I going to do that?

The teacher says to little Johnny, "If you had twelve Mars bars, of which Sanjeet asked for two, Amir asked for one, and Leroy asked for three, how many Mars bars would you have left?" "Twelve Miss".

With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre, it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead.

Masturbation is so much easier for kids these days.. I remember having to wait for the Littlewoods catalogue, sneakily smuggle it into the bathroom and find the lingerie section. Nowadays, the internet makes it so much easier! I just open up my browser and go to www.littlewoods.com

Do gay vegans still eat sausage?

Apparently, the word 'faggot' shouldn't be sung in The Pogues Christmas song, 'Fairytale of New York', in case it offends anyone from the LGBT community. I think the word 'scumbag', from the same song should also not be sung, just in case it offends anyone associated with Manchester United.

The world is poised to see its first transgender super hero. Battyman?