Sickipedia

Went to school with a couple of Scottish lads called Ben Doon & Phil McCavity. Decent chaps, but a lot of gay rumours used to float about. Nod to chum.

Oasis ‘shocked & saddened’ after fan plunges to his death ‘from top tier’ of Wembley stadium during gig. I wonder if he cast no shadow as he fell?

Top 3 deadliest things in Australia: 1. Box jellyfish. 2. Bull shark. 3. Beef Wellington.

Bloody warm today. I'm sweating more than Boeing's CEO at the moment.

53 British nationals (Indian no doubt) on board crashed air India flight. On a positive note, they all shared the same house, so that's another property freed up on the housing market.

I'm pickin' up good cremations...

Palestinian pediatrician in Gaza loses nine of her 10 children when her home is bombed. People presume it's the bomb crater that's visible on satellite images, but it's actually just her huge fanny.

Heir to crisp bread fortune killed in plane crash. Should name the snack 'Dyvita' from now on.

Claudia Winkleman reveals she ‘can’t see her own face properly’ as she opens up about chronic health condition. Trimming your fucking fringe may help...

0% alcohol spirits. Can't see the point. Like sucking a nipple through a jumper.