Sickipedia

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone.

If I ever win the lottery, rest assured nobody around me will be poor. I will move to a rich neighbourhood.

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN they become VERY ANGRY

The majority of people believe that the most washed body part in 2021 was the hands. But in fact it was the brain.

Now that the Taliban control Afghanistan, the new LGBT pronouns are was/were

My plan for today is to go with the wife to get us both some new glasses. After that, we'll see

In England we drive on the left. In Germany they drive on what's left.

My wife reckons God created only two genders. She's wrong. God created one gender and a rib. But I wouldn't expect a rib to know that.

The phone rang. It was BBC Radio 1. "Congratulations," the voice burbled. "You are live on air, and if you can answer this maths question, you will win our prize!" "Maths question?" I said excitedly. "I did 4 Unit maths for the HSC and also studied it at university, for part of my degree! Give me the question!" "Great! What is 100 divided by four? If you get it right, you get two tickets to the upcoming Justin Bieber concert, and get to meet him back-stage!" "Oh," said I. "Is it 13?"

"If I could have my ashes spread anywhere, it would be in Piers Morgan's eyes." Sean Lock