Sickipedia

Of course size matters. You don't see many girls wanking themselves off with a cocktail sausage.

I went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said "Sixty quid" I said"that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it" She said "Tight Arse!" I said "Oh ...go on then"

Three mates outside a brothel one enters returns 5 mins later with a big smile his mates ask “What was it like and how much?” “A beautiful girl fantastic for 30 quid she put a pineapple ring on it and sucked it off amazing “ Second one went in and 10 minutes later he came outside with a big smile “50 quid two pineapple rings she sucked and licked it off absolutely amazing” he said Third chap goes in and he was offered the 30 50 or the special for 100 quid “I’ll have the special” he said. 30 mins later he came out looking depressed “did you have the 30 or 50?” His mates said “No i had the special for 100 quid She put two pineapple rings on it a dollop of ice cream and a cherry on the top” he said “Wow did she lick and suck it off” they said. No he said It looked so nice i ate it myself

Due to the current situation I hate raisins

Two beggars in London Ali and mohammed They beg in different area's of London Mohammed begs just as long as Ali does but only collects £2 to £3 a day Ali brings home a full suitcase of money all £10 notes drives a merc ,lives in a mortgage free house and goes on holiday 4 times a year. Mohammed asks Ali "I work as long and hard as you do how is it you bring home so much more money than me?" Ali says"Look at your sign what does it say?" Mohammeds sign reads "I have no work,a wife and 6 kids to support" Ali shows mohammed his sign It reads "I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan

My memes pics i've posted on Sickipedia have seen as much action as the Brexit withdrawal agreement.... Fucking None!

Sarah Thomas swam The English channel four times Bah! instant fame my arse! I swam to Calais then back to Dover then back to Calais without any rest 25 years ago. When asked why i told them i forgot my passport!

I rang my girlfriend up and said "Surprise, I'm coming to get you and take you up the aisle" Don't know what she was expecting, but she looks a right Twat in a wedding dress pushing a shopping trolley around Asda!

A single kind word or a photo of your Boobs can make someones day!

I was well pissed last night i shouldn't have drove my car,I was speeding and i hit two black men on a zebra crossing. One of them was flung in the air and landed twenty five yards away, the other cheeky fucker came through my windscreen and sat next to me! Thank fuck my uncle Dave was the only police officer on duty and first on the scene. "Don't worry lad" he said "I'll do that black fucker up the road for leaving the scene of the accident and the other black bastard for breaking and entering" Love my Uncle Dave hic!