Sickipedia

Nothing quite says 'Christmas is coming' like temporary concrete blocks being installed to prevent Muslims murdering children on the high street.

Due to the lovely weather I thought I'd go out in the garden and do some edging. I got arrested for public masturbation despite pointing out that I didn't ejaculate.

Got some insect repellant spray, it says on the can that it may cause hallucinations. Personally I don't believe it but the flies swear it's true.

There are very few jokes on here about the deluge of water that's hit the North of England. I thought the site would have been flooded with them.

NASA have announced that in a few years they aim to develop a telescope that can detect the gases in the atmospheres of distant planets. Wouldn't that be a Smelloscope?

♪♫ I'm a secret lemonade drinker ♫♪ Isn't that a euphemism for piss?

My friends have set me up on a date tonight, they told me she's a paleoanthropologist and wrote her thesis on Pleistocene man. I really want to make a good impression so I've been watching every episode of Morph I can find.

It's Oscars night, get ready for some great performances. Like 'Oh this is such a surprise, I had no idea why they gave me an aisle seat near the front.'

My girlfriend told everyone about my small cock. She said "I can't help it, I'm talkative because I'm a Gemini." I said "Well now I'm going to kill you because I'm a Cancer."

What did the drug dealer do to the vegetarian? Sell 'er E.