Sickipedia

Nothing quite says 'Christmas is coming' like temporary concrete blocks being installed to prevent Muslims murdering children on the high street.

Due to the lovely weather I thought I'd go out in the garden and do some edging. I got arrested for public masturbation despite pointing out that I didn't ejaculate.

Got some insect repellant spray, it says on the can that it may cause hallucinations. Personally I don't believe it but the flies swear it's true.

Went to the psychiatrist, I said "I think I'm a dog." He said "Get off the couch!"

There are very few jokes on here about the deluge of water that's hit the North of England. I thought the site would have been flooded with them.

NASA have announced that in a few years they aim to develop a telescope that can detect the gases in the atmospheres of distant planets. Wouldn't that be a Smelloscope?

♪♫ I'm a secret lemonade drinker ♫♪ Isn't that a euphemism for piss?

My friends have set me up on a date tonight, they told me she's a paleoanthropologist and wrote her thesis on Pleistocene man. I really want to make a good impression so I've been watching every episode of Morph I can find.

By a white bird

It's Oscars night, get ready for some great performances. Like 'Oh this is such a surprise, I had no idea why they gave me an aisle seat near the front.'