Sickipedia

For the last twenty years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was upset when I didn't get one this year. First my gran dies, now this?

My girlfriend told me she hoped I had something special planned for Valentine's Day. I said "I'm working on it." and she smiled. Which was weird as I thought she would be upset that I'm having to work on Valentine's Day.

Quick question. .. Is it possible to take a skin graft from your buttocks ,and transplant it onto someone who isn't family? ......Arse Skin for a friend...

Just seen a sign in the Butchers window ' Turkey £25. That's 375 quid cheaper than Thomas Cook.

Got my first road kill today, Hit a pig, enough meat in the freezer now to last until New Year, My only problem is now, How to get rid of his bike.?

1981 Liverpool win European Cup. British prince marries. A Pope dies. 2005 Liverpool win European Cup. British prince marries. A Pope dies. 2018 Liverpool in Euro final. British Prince to marry. Pope shitting himself.

Some bird I went to school with , works in The Pound Bakery in Kirkby. But suddenly she has become the country's leading paediatrician and neurosurgeon. She also knows more about Alder Hey than anyone. Get back to work girl those donuts wont glaze themselves.i

Enough of all this Haggerty shit .It's not funny & no one fucking cares you pricks.

I got cut up by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I recognised him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?"£5 said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. "That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab" I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".£5 said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. "I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab" I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue. "How much to the station ?". £5 said the driver. "Okay" I said "Let's go" As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face. That will teach the cunt!

3 men in a cafe, furiously wanking. Waitress comes over and says "What the hell are you doing"?. One of them points to a sign which reads- - FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED !