Sickipedia

We finally were able to buy some toilet paper today. The shop assistant said “it is only available for those who really need it” I told her we were that desperate that we were using both sides of the toilet paper we had at home.

My hands are absolutely Fucking raw from washing them for the time limit of singing that Fucking song twice. Then a friend told me the song to sing twice whilst washing your hands is “Happy Birthday to you” > > > > > > I have been singing “In a Gadda Da Vida”

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear, then when he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating. "Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds". Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland . Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy." Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "STREWTH" and "BLOODY HELL!" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers: "17 pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says, "We had him circumcised!"

Feminists

The Scottish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellowman ... air passengers, in this case! Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening British Airways flight from Glasgow to Toronto, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Scottish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 360 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 300 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience." When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight. Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 300 dinners available."

Registration on the first day back at school in London, England.... Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here" Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here" Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here" Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here" Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer Ali Sun Al En? Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........ "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for fuck sake !"

Blonde Payment Plan. Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellllloooooo…….just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellllooooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!