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hoffmanassassian

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Astronaut Katy Perry is splitting up with Orlando Bloom. I guess she...needed more space....

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So the new Pope took the name Leo. Does this mean no nuns over the age 25 from here on?

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Anyone else rooting for a complete "One Direction" reunion by the end of this year?

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Like Eminem said "it's called window Payne".

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Anyone who air drums to Def Leppard with 2 hands is a right cunt.

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In America they have a gun buyback system. They will give you $300 if you turn in a gun. No questions asked. I want to do the same, but instead of guns, it's Celine Dion albums. You turn in a Celine Dion album, no questions asked. You get $300 dollars... and a gun. Please someone shoot Celine Dion.

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I got a new job as an insecurity guard. I follow people with low self esteem and make sure they never get a compliment.

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Pretty amazing that Bob Barker died at 99 and didn't go over a dollar.

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Bob Barker dead at 99. Well, I guess the Time was right.

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India makes historic uncrewed landing on the moon's south pole. When asked why there was no crew sent on this mission a representative replied "because most of the time our people like to ride on the outside of vehicles".

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