Sickipedia

They say if you give a million monkeys a typewriter each, with infinite time they’ll write the complete works of Shakespeare. However, they only need half an hour to write an episode of Emmerdale.

Paper tissue industry very happy with yesterday’s sales. A spokesperson said “we can’t believe how many boxes we sold. Everyone must be in tears of joy following the Raducanu victory”.

This afternoon we are watching Pointless. Or the Coronavirus Daily Update as it’s also known.

“Stan Lee, Marvel Comics' Real-Life Superhero, Dies at 95” I don’t understand this joke, but for some fucking reason it’s always at the top of the leaderboard, despite the fact that the cunt popped his clogs a month back. WTF Sicki?

Brian May is a more optimistic version of Brian Cant. Credit: Old Sicki

Apparently, Andy Murray had to pull out of his doubles date with Emma due to ‘stiffness in his right wrist’. Never mind Andy, we’ve all been there.

Sunak signature gets mixed up on documents. Illegal immigrants to all be paid 500,000k, and 700 sub-posties deported to Rwanda.

The death of Kobe Bryant has raised many questions for me. Top of the list is ‘who the fuck was Kobe Bryant’?

BBC News: ‘World renowned free climber Brad Gobright has fallen to his death’. When asked why he was ‘world renowned’, a spokesman said ‘uhm.. it’s because his fallen to his death... or it maybe because his name is nearly Gobshite’.

An unhandled exception occurred while processing the request. Win32Exception: The wait operation timed out Unknown location SqlException: Execution Timeout Expired. The timeout period elapsed prior to completion of the operation or the server is not responding. System.Data.SqlClient.SqlConnection.OnError(SqlException exception, bool breakConnection, Action<Action> wrapCloseInAction I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS JOKE, BUT IT MUST BE FUCKING FUNNY AS ITS ALWAYS AT THE TOP OF THE LEADERBOARD.