Sickipedia

Is it called the 'Holy' Bible because the story in it is so full of holes?

My name's Raymond and I've just sold my lighting shop 'Ray of Light' to a Chinese bloke. He obviously wants to change the name of the shop to something more personal, but he needs some help with the new name. So, I've come on here to see if anyone has any ideas ...

I was drinking down the pub with my scouse mate. "Had a 96 with the wife earlier", he said "Don't you mean 69?" I replied. "No", he said "She went on top and nearly crushed me to death".

When parents support different football teams, it's funny how their offspring turn out. I knew a bloke who's father supported Liverpool and mum supported Urawa Red diamonds. In the morning he would steal a car, and then in the afternoon he would return it to the owner. I also knew a bloke who's dad supported Lazio and mother supported Maccabi Tel Aviv. When he got out of bed he would do a Nazi salute, and in the afternoon he would stick his head in the gas oven. Another bloke had an old man who supported Manchester United, and an old dear who supported FC St. Pauli. All day long he would be an utter cunt.

What people say and what they actually mean: I'm not religious - I can't comprehend how people are so deluded that they still believe in fairy stories that are thousands of years old I have't yet decided who I'm going to vote for - I'm a true blue Conservative but daren't admit it because the leftist liberal McCarthyists will attempt to tear me a new arsehole All lives matter - I fucking hate niggers and hope that slavery is reintroduced as soon as possible

The English language is amazing. Just doubling a consonant in a noun completely changes its meaning: bladder - a membranous sac in humans and other animals, in which urine is collected for excretion blader - a person who skates on in-line skates platter - a large flat dish or plate, typically oval or circular in shape, used for serving food plater - a person who forges, rolls, or casts metal in sheets usually thicker than ¹/4 inch rapper - a nigger raper - a nigger ....oh, wait.

My mate said he wanted to go on safari in Africa to see some lions and cheetahs. I told him to save his time and money by going to the third test at Headingley on Thursday.

The NATO phonetic alphabet is used to identify new variants of Covid-19 because describing them after the nationality of origin could lead to racism. But what if the ninth new variant comes from India and the twenty-fifth one comes out of the United States?

The Catholic Church in England has demanded the government give its reasons for stopping services. How about this one? GOD DOESN'T EXIST!

When a musician dies young I always think about the music of the future that has been lost. Buddy Holly could have written the perfect rock n roll song. John Lennon could have written the perfect rock song. Amy Winehouse could have written something good.