Sickipedia

There were no two ways about it. Rosie was fat. Very fat. “Martha”, said Rosie to her best friend, “it was terrible what happened yesterday after the birthday party. You know how half of the birthday cake was left over? Well, I knew Bob would be fuming at me for eating it,with my diet and all, but I couldn’t help myself, it started with just a small nibble and before I knew it the whole cake was gone!.” “Oh my!” clucked Martha, “was Bob really upset?” “He never found it”, responded Rosie with a full double chin smile, “I just baked another cake and ate half of it!”

Why won't sharks eat a nigger? They think it's a whale's shit

After swimming at my local pool last night I was in the changing room and noticed a glory hole in the cubicle..... I thought 'I'm having a bit of this' and stuck my cock through. Few minutes later to my delight somebody was sucking away on the old todger...... Suddenly I felt a weird sensation, it was a hairy beard banging against my balls... . I knew what this meant, full of panic I withdrew my cock and looked over the top of the cubicle... Oh my good god......It was the wife.

Mohammed from next door came round "A bible for you was delivered to my house for you by mistake, I burned it so as you would know what it feels like to be a Muslim who has had his religion insulted. " He was right, I did feel like a Muslim who had had his religion insulted. So I cut his head off.

I'll be fucked if this rape alarm doesn't work.

Studies have shown that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example, if a woman's ovulating she'll be attracted to a man with rugged and masculine features. If, however, she is menstruating, she is more likely to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his arse.

My wife has been seeing a faith healer three times a week. I thought she was wasting her money, but I've been proved wrong. Despite doctors saying I am completely infertile, with the power of prayer, she is finally pregnant.

My pregnant wife lost our baby when a wardrobe fell over onto her. I just can't understand how it happened though.. There wasn't a single coat hanger in it.

A guy walks into a bar, orders six Jägermeister shots. The bartender asks him if it's a special occasion? The guy answers "Yes, my very first blowjob". The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house". The guy answers "Nah, if six Jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh won't make much of a difference".

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?