Sickipedia

My wife burst into the house from work and said ‘ quick I’m busting for a wee, did you leave the toilet seat down for me? ‘Yes I did actually just come out of there’ ‘You’re learning’ she said. ‘Yeah well not really, it’s more to do with the big fat smelly shit I just did... enjoy!’

My wife is trying to convert our new born baby daughter to Islam She just called me to say she's been shopping and bought her a Muslim blanket

My little girl pointed at the rainbow in the sky and said ‘Daddy what’s at the bottom of the rainbow?’ I said ‘ Well it used to be a pot of gold, but since the gays hikacked the rainbow its now just a big puddle of blood, shit and cum’

My mate came up to me earlier and said ' alright mate how's you and your new bird?' I replied ' I'm all good but she's a bit Scatty to be honest' He said 'oh right shes a nice girl though right? I replied ' oh yeah of course but then she ruins it by wanting to defecate in my mouth'

A Muslim woman was found buried in rubble at the bottom of Grenfel Tower....she wasn't in the building or related to it in anyway she was just stoned today for being raped

I’ve just woken from a 10 year coma and the nurse is testing my English abilities. She just asked me what my pronouns are. Bit of an odd question

My girlfriend just caught me rubbing a baby foals penis. She said to me “You’re sick!” I said “Do you think so? Now that you mention it though I am feeling a little horse”

Things are looking up at Grenfell tower this morning.... Mainly lots of homeless Muslims looking up at the charred mess that used to be there home

If only this was a joke

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