Sickipedia

I knocked on my neighbour's door this morning and said, "Can you have my children? I'll be no longer than a few minutes, I promise." "Sure," she replied. I said, "Great! Get your knickers off then."

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thank you." I said, "Don't mention it."

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa? You can't take Meds on an empty stomach

My girlfriend asked if I would go and see Saw with her. I was fucking gutted when we drove straight past the playground and pulled up at the cinema.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

My friend was talking about his new baby girl. I asked “What’s her name?” My friend replied, “Melanie Noelle.” I said “How do you spell it, then?”

Being far too shy to see my GP about my erectile dysfunction I visited the local quack. He said " Take this powder and say 123 before you have sex. It only works once and you must say 1234 when you have finished and your erection will disappear " It worked a treat and I was just about to give my wife the treat of a lifetime when she said " What did you say 123 for?"

Todays weather forecast. S O E S H . R. W Scattered showers .

I turned up at this house party and there was booze, pills and lines of cocaine everywhere. I got stuck in and was loving every minute of it until I remembered I was there because of a noise complaint and should probably start arresting people.

I bought 4 kindles from Amazon. But they sent me two Ronnie's DVD.