Sickipedia

When people get too old they take their driving licences off them so that they don't kill anyone on the road. This is what happens next..... They give them a mobility scooter so that they can kill every cunt on the pavement.

We all drown in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine.

I see it's the turn of the German police now to have a holiday in Portugal, or look for Madeleine McCann as it's known as.

I see the injured toll in the Liverpool drive through has risen to 109. Compensation was mentioned in dispatches.

I don't bother going to old friends and family funerals no more. After all the cunts won't be going to mine.

Pope Francis has died. At least the choir boys can rest easy for a bit.

Everyone's talking about Global Warming. What about all those fucking fireworks going off at Midnight all over the world. That couldn't have helped.

Apparently the Jota brothers funerals are being held tomorrow. Fuck me, they don't hang around in Portugal. They're not even cold yet.

Young girl next door just got a kitten. Her father looked daggers at me when I asked her over the garden fence how her pussy was?

I went to the doctor's and he said 'sorry to have to tell you but you've got terminal cancer'. 'How long have I got left to live'? I asked him. 'Well put it this way' he said, you've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin'.