Sickipedia

Sir Alex Ferguson's wife went to see his doctor to ask if it would be possible to take Sir Alex out for the day as he was getting very bored at home. Yes said the doctor, but under no circumstances must he get overexcited, so she took him to Old Trafford to watch United playing.

After their baby Grace died on Emmerdale Paddy and Chas have decided to donate her Kidne..........Oh just forget it.

I went to Screwfix the other day and said to the girl behind the counter ' Have you got a sore hole'? She said 'I have as a matter of fact as i had anal sex with my boyfriend last last'. 'How can you tell' she said? I said 'I'm sorry love but we've got a bit of a misunderstanding here, what I meant to say was 'Have you got a hole saw?

The baby born by caesarean section after it's mother was shot and killed by someone with a crossbow has been named as USAIN.

After being fined $25 for being drunk and swearing Wayne Rooney has asked for time to pay.

Robert Palmer always made a point of eating every day about 12 o'clock, not before, not after. He's gonna have to face it he's 'Addicted to lunch'.

Cardiff City are refusing to pay anything for Emiliano Sala. They said he was a dead loss when he was here.

Let's face it, Emiliano Sala would have sunk without trace in the Premier League.

I've just finished my version of the Miley Cyrus and Mark Ronson hit. 'Nothing stinks like a fart' will be available for download tomorrow.

Congratulations Liverpool. You never won the League again.