Sickipedia

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

The souvenir I picked up at the Ariana Grande gig didn't last long. I've tried to sellotape the lower torso of the 10 year old back together but my cock keeps ripping through the abdomen now.

Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here" Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here" Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here" Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here" Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer Ali Sun Al En? Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........ "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for fuck sake !"

Nearly had a heart attack in the pub last night. This Muslim comes through the door shouting Allah, Allah, Allah. Was expecting an explosion but then he said allav'e a pint. Stuttering cunt.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British". One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory, aboriginal Bill Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fuck-all. Bill has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless..."

What's the worst part of eating out a bald pussy? Changing the nappy / diaper afterwards.

Little Johnny is at school when his teacher sees a tail coming out of Johnny's schoolbag. What's going on here? Asks the teacher. Johnny, you aren't allowed to bring your pet to school. But sir sobs little Johnny, I heard the postman speaking to my mum this morning and he said when the kid goes to school I'm going to eat your fucking pussy.

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon. I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought, fuck me, I might win this.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Gurgle, gurgle, cough spew

What should you do if you see an elderly nigger struggling to dig the garden? Sell him and but a new one.