Sickipedia

Sadly, I was caught by security trying to climb the fence at Glastonbury, they turned me back & said I had to listen to the rest of the Rod Stewart concert.

I’ve got a load of Sheffield United tea sets, if anybody is interested, there’s loads of saucers, but no cups.

Phoned a restaurant to book a table for me & my girlfriend, what name, they asked, I said Amelia, they said. I know you want a meal here, but what’s her name?

A friend of mine survived a fall from 20,000 feet out of a plane, it was when he hit the ground that killed him.

I walked out of McDonalds with a triple cheesburger & was confronted by a homeless man, who said he hadn’t eaten in 3 days, I congratulated him & said I wish I had his willpower.

I accidentally are some dog treats, they were quite tasty actually, but this stupid bitch next door complained to the Police when I was marking my territory outside her house.

My gay boss asked me to move his car this morning, when I got in, there was this button on the dashboard saying rear wiper, I thought mmmm. better not.

Got stopped by the Police last night & they said they were looking for 2 child molesters, I said you can put me down for one & I’ll ask my mate next door.

Am I the only person who thought the relationship between Sturgeon & Salmond was a bit fishy?

There’s no hope for us in the UK, when a man crossing the Channel in a rubber dinghy dies, with all those doctors & scientists on board.