Sickipedia

Went to see a Tribute band yesterda, The Small Faeces. I thought there had been a misprint on the poster but it turned out they were just fucking shit.

Pubic announcement: As of now, I shall not be participating in any further slanging matches. I come here to find things to laugh about, not to be trolled for posting jokes that I find funny or that I have thought up myself. If you don't like a contribution, vote it down, if you like it, vote it up - simples. I always type in key words to search for dupes before I post anything but the system's not infallible. If you have any constructive comments to make, feel free. If you haven't - then fuck off. BTW, I know that PubLic has an L in it.

Two Irish men on their way home after a night in the Pub find a head lying on the pavement. One picks it up by the hair, holds it above his head into the light and says, "'Tis Murphy be Jesus". The other one says, "Don't be so feckin silly, he was never that tall".

I was getting really turned on by the erotic strip this woman was doing for me last night. That was until she sexily peeled her knickers off, threw them at the ceiling and they stuck to it!

A young lad, trying to impress a girl he fancied, was showing his toys off to her. Every time he showed her something he thought would impress her, he was told that she had a bigger and/or better one. In despair, he got his cock out and said, "You haven't got one of these". She dropped her knickers, pointed to her cunt and said, "No, but I've got one of these and my Mummy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want".

Kid, "Can Johnny come out to play soldiers with us?" Mother, "You know 'Johnny's got no arms and legs, why do you want him to play soldiers with you?" Kid, "We need someone to be the IED victim".

I thought I'd done rather well hitting 6 consecutive sixes for my local pub team. Miserable bastards aren't going to ask me to play darts for them again.

Good news: I managed to get my cock and balls in the Guiness book of records. Bad news: I am now banned from W. H. Smiths.

A nigger comes home from the pub with a magnum of champagne. His wife says, "Where did you steal that from?" He says, "I won it, They had a "who's got the biggest cock" competition and I romped it". She, "You didn't show them all your cock did you?" He, "Of course not, I only showed them enough of it to win".

Why do Essex girls like to be fingered by Norwich Boys? Because they've got more fingers.