Mohammed from next door called me there, telling me he got a threatening letter in his mail this morning, poor cunt was scared stiff...
....turns out it was a £1.50 off dove soap coupon.
I tried to light vapes fart earlier but his fart was a squirty one and put out the flame, his pants got a bit wet though but the juice was worth the squeeze
I saw my son and his friends playing hide and seek today...
...I couldn't believe what I was seeing, so I shouted at them to get inside immediately and play fortnite like normal kids.
I was at my girlfriend's house last night and we started kissing and cuddling. Then as I lay on the bed, she started stripping. At the sight of her stunning body, I almost came in my pants. A personal best for me seeing as they were 20 yards away on the landing!
Sometimes you just cant win
i thought i would be a gentleman and hold the door open for a young lady
2 mins later she said
" will you Fuck off i am trying to have a shit"
My neighbour keeps coming into my kitchen and making himself cups of tea whenever he fuckin feels like it... so I got him a Spurs shirt for his birthday, that'll stop the cunt lifting anymore cups!
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