Sickipedia

I can’t believe it’s been nearly 19 years since the atrocities of 9/11. How time flies, unlike the passengers on those planes.

Well apparently the new rules on Monday exclude exercise classes and toddler play groups. So now I can go for a cheeky one off the wrist while checking out the hot sweaty talent with their tight lycra leggings, drinks bottles and pony tails. And then I can go to the gym.

Shocking news about Sean Connery. Some might even say “it’sh devashtating”

Sean Connery passes away aged 90. Scottish people are said to be in shock, as the normal life expectancy of a Scottish person is 38.

What’s with all these German shampoos that keep being advertised. Since when did we start taking advice from them about our showering habits.

Sitting there at Dave Prowse funeral looking at him resting peacefully in his coffin. I thought to myself “I could make a lot of money here. As I’m sure there are a lot of Star Wars collectors out there that would pay eye watering amounts of cash for an original Darth Vader still in his box”

Working in a supermarket bakery section a guy said to me “excuse me, was THIS bread fresh THIS morning?” I replied “well if it’s fresh NOW sir..............!”

There is going to be a proper send off for Sir Captain Tom Moore at his funeral and rightly so. Just as soon as they can surgically remove Pierce Morgan’s firmly wedged tongue from his dead 100 year old rusty sheriffs badge.

Golfers know better than most, to stay out of the bunkers it’s not all about the Woods: Sometimes you’ve just got to pick the right Driver.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Top Gear. On tonight’s show, our star in a reasonably priced car is Tiger Woods and he is going to be finding out which is the quickest way to the local hospital. By ambulance or by SUV?