Sickipedia

I'm so glad that Mike Ashley has declared that Sports Direct is an essential shop and that they're staying open. Having a Dunlop golf umbrella and a big fuck off mug will be vital during the lockdown.

The plot of Mission Impossible 7 has been leaked online. Apparently Tom Cruise's mission, should he accept it, is to find out what's on top of his fridge.

I couldn't get any bread in the supermarket today so I went to the park and threw I.O.U's to the ducks.

I used to love playing knock and run when I was a kid, I still do, it's why I work for Parcel Force.

Kate McCann; "Madeleine was hard not to love." Although not someone you'd want to be seen with in a restaurant it seems.

I thought I saw a Kangaroo in my next door neighbours garden today, it wasn't until I put my glasses on that I realised it was his Greyhound having a shit.

I wonder who the prankster in the Royal family is? Must have taken them ages to tie everyone's shoelaces together.

Ray Kennedy had suffered with Parkinson's disease for many years, every time someone asked him about it he used to give them a free pen just for inquiring.

It's been a bit of a strange morning for me, first I found a hat full of money and then I got chased by an angry bloke with a guitar.

It's been a bit of a strange morning for me, first I found a hat full of money and then I got chased by an angry bloke with a guitar.