Sickipedia

Good news for troubled show Love Island, it's just picked up a new sponsor - Dignitas.

My wife said it's either her or the dog. So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine.

One of the main symptoms of Covid-19 is a loss of taste. My wife rang the emergency number when I started laughing at Mrs. Brown's Boys.

During our visit to the local zoo the other day, they treated us just like Royalty. One of their monkeys escaped and ran off with our ginger son.

It's funny how definitions have changed for parents over the years. Your child is not 'badly behaved and a bit thick', they've got ADHD. They're not a 'sissy', they're born in the wrong body, They're not an 'interfering, opinionated, annoying little cunt', they're a vegan.

I'm disgusted when I see these pictures from the past showing how many people thought it was ok to wear 'blackface' for a laugh. What was it about coal miners and chimney sweeps that made them such racist bastards?

I think it's a good idea of Jeremy Corbyn's to reduce the voting age to 16. If they're old enough to vote, then they're legally an adult. Which means the 'indecent images' charges will be dropped.

Today I saw a group of those 'Covidiots' in town. There they were, five of them, not shopping or exercising, just standing there laughing and joking together, clearly flouting the 2 metre rule. So I went up to them and told them off. The cunts arrested me.

My gay son was so fed up with me making jokes about his sexuality, he picked up a kitchen knife, attacked me with it, yet somehow managed to miss every vital organ. What a shit stabber.

Just seen Jessica Jaymes filthy new movie. She's stripped naked and pumped with fluid by a dirty old man. It was a live stream from the embalmer.