Sickipedia

What's purple and orange, the size of an ant and covered in fur? A really talented chameleon.

I just bit a black widow and it died. I think this means I'm poisonous.

New football rule. Instead of red and yellow cards, they have eye patches. Do 1 thing wrong and you have to wear an eye patch. Commit 2 fouls and you stay on the pitch but have your vision completely covered with 2 eye patches.

I haven't seen any outrage that mothers day is only 23 hours long this year. Feminists have really dropped the ball on this one.

"This is the moment of maximum risk" says PM Boris Johnson as he returns to work.

I miss the days when going viral was a good thing.

I miss the days when I didn't have to isolate myself to protect myself from disease ridden humans. Like before I was born.

I've been wiping my my ass with the wife's dresses for about a week now. I've got loads of toilet roll but her clothes are much softer in my skin.

The new, plastic £20 note is released today. Unfortunately, due to Brexit, most of us will never get to see that much money in 1 place.

I will boycott any establishment that sells vegan food. I just don't think we should be eating food made of people. Even if they are vegans.