Sickipedia

Schoolchildren in the USA are taught to shelter under their desks in the event of nuclear war. Schoolchildren in the UK are taught to shelter under their desks in the event of the Tories.

A week in and there's no sign of the thousands of promised anti-tank weapons and stingers in Ukraine. Did they send them using Hermes?

She's certainly making something of mine grow...

Ukraine claims that they have killed over 5000 Russian soldiers, but Russia claims that only two have died. Do Russian soldiers have 2500 smaller ones inside?

Is that why the rivers are full of shit?

From the youngest member, 30 year old Baroness Charlotte Owen's maiden speech in the House of Lords: "I must thank the former Prime Minister, Boris Johnson who put a great deal of trust in me" I had no idea that "trust" was a euphemism for sperm.

Wayne Couzens sentenced to 19 months for indecent exposure. That'll teach him.

Rishi Sunak and his cabinet meet for the first time.

To: BP, Shell, Centrica, Eon, SSE, EDF, Scottish Power Subject: Most beneficial and profitable relationship Dearest God-fearing friends, I am Kwasi Kwarteng, the recently appointed and most powerful and most excellent UK Chancellor of Her Majesty’s most abundant Exchequer and I have been authorised to release the sum of ONE HUNDRED BILLION POUNDS STERLING free money to deposit into your bank accounts. In order to release these funds, I require immediately a deposit and authorisation fee transferred to the bank account of my employer, The Conservative Party. Payment accepted in all major currencies including Russian Roubles, Cayman Islands Dollars and Bitcoin. I will be expecting to hear from you, Kwasi Kwarteng

They are hard to flush