Sickipedia

My bank used to offer me discounted travel insurance Now, my food bank offers me discounted travel to Dignitas

UK Business Minister Kwarsi Karteng defends Boris' lies by saying "fraud is no longer a serious crime" Following it up with "Now can a honest, sincere and God fearing person help my uncle, who's an army general get 20 million United States dollars out of a dead Prince's bank account?"

Tories plan a crackdown on Gypsies and travellers because they ignore society's rules, lie, cheat and steal, conspire with each other, have loads of kids and never pay tax. They sound exactly like Boris and the UK government – they are pure Tories!

15-year-old Russian Olympic ice skater Kamila Valieva claims she failed a dope test because of a contaminated glass of water that contained traces of her grandfather’s heart medication. World's worst drug cheat or granddaughter of a senile date rapist?

"Welsh care leavers to get £1600 a month basic income." The Welsh Tories are up in arms over this because Brexit has forced the Eastern European prostitutes to go home, so they'll have to travel to England to find pretty young things and to buy coke.

Now that Russia has invaded Ukraine, I hear that it's all geopolitics. Does that mean it about whether you vote igneous, sedimentary or metamorphic?

The escalating war in Ukraine will cause fuel prices to sky-rocket. I'm really worried about what the price of gas will be this nuclear winter.

"Sweden to send arms to Ukraine" I hope they remember to include the Allen keys and helpful assembly diagrams, and don't have critical screw missing.

"Russia banned from Eurovision Song Contest" At least that's one Russian crime against humanity that Ukraine, and the rest of us, won't have to suffer.

"It is easier for a Russian oligarch to enter the House of Lords than it is for a Ukrainian refugee to enter the Kingdom of Great Britain" - From the First Book of Johnson