Sickipedia

What do you call a 40 year old woman in a Collingwood jumper? Grandma

Yo momma so fat she wears a yellow raincoat and everyone yells: 'Taxi!'

Why do the Chinese have small eyes? Because they're still squinting from the blast!

What do you get when you cross country music with rap? Crap (I stole this joke from somewhere because it's funny)

Why wasn't Jesus born in Adelaide (the capital of South Australia)? He couldn't find three wise men and a virgin

An Aussie went on holiday to New Zealand. He met up with his Kiwi friend on a farm. He asked, 'G'day mate, can I talk to your dog?' The Kiwi said: 'I'm pretty sure dogs don't talk you silly Aussie.' The Aussie said to the dog: 'Is me mate your owner? How does he treat you?' The dog replied: 'He treats me well. I get walked twice a day and stuff.' The Aussie asked the Kiwi: 'Can I talk to your horse?' The Kiwi replied: 'I'm pretty sure horses don't talk either.' The Aussie said to the horse: 'How does your owner treat you?' The horse replied: 'Yeah, I get ridden a few times a day and fed well.' 'Can I talk to your sheep?' the Aussie asked. 'Don't trust that sheep, he's a liar!'

What do you do when you see a Collingwood supporter drowning? Well you could rescue him but he'll probably choke again!

What's the difference between Jim Jones and Joseph Stalin? Stalin would have charged for the Flavor Aid

What's an old Catholic priest's favourite tune? The Magic Flute in D minor

RELIGIOUS SHIT Taoism: Shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit. Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah. Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? Hinduism: This shit happened before. Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad. Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama. T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit. Atheism: No shit. Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens. Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening. Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind. Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit. Existentialism: What is shit anyway? Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.