Sickipedia

A robber broke into a house and a parrot in the corner said, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber paid him no attention and keep bagging his goods. The parrot repeated, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber said, “What’s your name, stupid bird?” The bird said “Moses, and Jesus is watching you.” The robber says, "what kinda stupid people name their bird Moses?" The bird says, "the same kinda people who name their pit bull Jesus!

I wanted to be a lumberjack but i couldn't hack it. So i worked in a orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate. So i studied to become a doctor but i didn't have the patience. So I become a tailor but the job never suited me. So i worked in a shoe shop but i couldn't fit in. So i became a chef but i never had the thyme.

I saw this girl crying in the pub so I went up to her and asked what was wrong. "I split up with my boyfriend because he's a sexist pig." "I'm a great listener if you want to tell me more." I replied. "But you don't even know me," She cried, "why would you want to listen to me?" "Because you have massive tits."

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

I'm so glad I didn't post my Jim'll fix it letter when I was a child.. ..it said "Dear Jim please could you fix it for me to walk like John Wayne".

A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'? Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

A judge is hearing a murder trial. Imp and her spirite-elf that was killed and the suspect, a 16 year old who's represented by his father, Ep. After hearing the case, the judge decides. Ep's teen didn't kill Imp's elf.

I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody! I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.

Derby County are said to be interested in signing former England international Ashley Cole.... .....according to sources at Elland Road.

FUNNIMAN YOU WEE FENIAN PAEDO CELTIC SUPPORTER BIG JOCK FUCKING KNEW