Sickipedia

Harvey Price is well prepared for the protistute Katie Price is going to organise. Once the prozzy strips in front of Harvey and waves her minge in his face, he'll be shouting 'Hello, you cunt!'

Two couples on holiday, and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap. Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of month so he has got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the others missus. Next morning Paul grins and taps twice, looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella.

I saw a scouser walking down the road with a sign saying, "& Emergency" tucked under his arm. "Where did you get that from?" I asked. He said, "I found it by Accident."

What did the Japanese Kamikaze instructor say to his trainees? ‘Right, I’m only going to show you this once!’

I got a new deodorant today. The instructions said remove lid and push up bottom. I can barely move but wherever I fart the room smells lovely.

Two sperms have a chat, first sperm says "How much further to the ovaries?" The other sperm replys: “ages away yet , we’ve only just passed the tonsils!!"

I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. He asked, "What's this for?" "A pay rise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

Be on the lookout for the midget clairvoyant who’s on a shoplifting spree. There’s a small medium at large!

The misses caught we wanking over an optical illusion. As she turned around and ran off I shouted ‘it’s not what it looks like!’

I had a chinese last night. I ordered a number 2. No idea what it was, but it tasted like shit!