Sickipedia

I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Nod to Ozzy Osbourne.

I met this woman at the bar last night, next morning, she asked me for a dick pick, and to make sure it's as big as possible. So I send her a picture of Kier Starmer.

Have you heard Michael Keaton is returning as Batman? Bruce Wayne puts on the cape and cowl to fight the growing injustice in the retirement home. The Penguin is hogging all the sherbert lemons, two face plans to cheat in the halloween special BINGO game and The Riddler has hidden someone's false teeth in a place only Batman can figure out where. Can Batman bring order before his dementia kicks in? This'll be a night the staff'll wish they called in sick.

Freedom of speech has not been banned in the UK. Anyone who disagrees will be arrested.

I was devistated to came home from work today and find my house gone, all that was left was a pile of rubble. That's the last time I order a blow up doll from Afghanistan.

My mate got caught wanking in the showers today. He's on the phone now, arguing with the Auschwitz staff about a refund.

My dick used to be in the guiness book of world records, until I got kicked out of the library.

My wife asked me if she is the only one I've had sex with. I said, "Of course you are, the rest of them were 8s 9s and 10s.'

My girlfriend wanted a dick pic. So I sent her a picture of Adolf Hitler

I was having sex with my new girlfriend this morning. Then I asked her if she wanted me to pull out. She said, "Don't worry, I don't mind being knocked up, I'll be such a good mum to the little bastard."