Sickipedia

Stick your gems up your arse

I once knew this bloke before he died And i don't think this bloke ever lied Cause he had a wife with a fanny so wide She was never fucking satisfied. So he made her a prick out of shining steel Two brass balls & a great big wheel The brass balls he filled them with cream And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam Round & round went the great big wheel In & out went the prick of steel Until she cried " Enough, i'm fucking satisfied". But now we come to the horrible bit There was no way on earth of stopping it Her arsehole to her fanny was split And the whole fucking issue was covered in shit.

What do you call an Englishman holding the World Cup? The engraver.

What do you call an illiterate, paedophile, racist, mass murdering slave trader?. Well, if your muslim you call him Mohammed.

Kate Moss meets Matt LeBlanc at a party. "Hi, i'm Kate Moss & i'm a model. What do you do?". "Top Gear" says LeBlanc. "Great" says Moss "I'll have a couple of lines thanks.".

An explorer is in deepest Africa when he's confronted by an angry tribe of cannibals. He falls to his knees & prays "Please help me God. I'm fucked". Just then the clouds part & a light shines on him & God says "You are not fucked my son. See that big rock in front of you, well pick it up & hit the biggest cannibal you can see with it". So the man grabs the rock & hits the big chief on the head with it, killing him instantly. "Now you are fucked" says God.

The bible says 'Do unto others as you would have them do to you'. So, is god saying i should sit on my neighbours hot daughters face?.

Most serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

What's the difference between Diane Abbott & a strap-on?. You might actually have a smile on your face whilst being fucked by a strap-on.