Sickipedia

Did you know that a dog can survive up to two weeks without eating? Anyhow, I'm not cut out to be a petsitter.

Transcript from a fire department in Cardiff Wales, 2022 Lady: My house is on fire! I need firemen at my house now! Operator: Sorry, it's 6:30, we've just sent them all home.

You know you're polish when you find your last name in the end of a Youtube URL.

They call it a "political sphere" for a very good reason. If you go too far to one side, you end up on the other.

JUST READ A SIGN IN CALIFORNIA: Please drive carefully around bicycles. These cyclists are known carry baseball bats, and may wreck your new car.

I saw a homeless man in a cemetery, kneeling in front of a grave. I said "Morning!" He said, "nah, just taking a shit."

I keep on trying to get in stores during COVID. I have my face covered, but going shop to shop, still no one will let me in! It must be the color of my balaclava.

Since my music composer is so lazy, I've asked him to start composing songs in odd time signatures. Now, he's working 24/7.

Little Johnny was sat in class, and the teacher called on him and said, "Johnny, could you use 'I' in a sentence please?" Little Johnny began, "I is--" "Little Johnny," said the teacher, "you've learned this by now, the correct grammar is 'I am'." Johnny continued, "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."

Scientists have been studying the habanero pepper for years, and found that they lie on the 100,000-350,000 Scoville range. Surprisingly, this is only one 10th as spicy as the contents of an Indian latrine.