Sickipedia

The women down the pub always want to go home with me when they hear the lads calling me by my nickname ‘Horse’. But on the way to my place, they quickly change their minds when I step onto the road, drop my pants and have a shit.

BBC weatherman performs “drumathon” for Children in Need. Next week, he’ll be doing a “bumathon” for the Terrence Higgins Trust.

Alec Baldwin misunderstood Halyna Hutchins when she asked him to shoot a big load into her.

A 14-yr-old boy comes home from school, grinning a massive grin. His dad asks, “What’re you so pleased about?” The boy replies, “I just had sex with my hot young teacher!” His dad, thrilled at his teen son’s sexual conquest, says to him, “I’m dead proud of you, son! How about we go out and buy you that sports bike you’ve been after?” His son replies, “Nah, that’s alright dad – my arse is killing me.”

I ejaculated six feet this morning. Which is odd, as a I usually ejaculate semen.

It's well known that Homer Simpson likes butter. But he really loves spreading marge.

Jesus of Nazareth walked on water. But Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

The BBC are making a new show about Holocaust-related antiques. It's called ''Ash in the Attic.''

When I warned my gay friend that anal sex causes incontinence, he got all offended and lost his shit.

Asians aren’t just bad drivers, they’re bad pilots as well: During WWII, more than 300 Japanese airmen crashed their planes into ships.