Sickipedia

Following on from the dreadful news that Kier Starmers house had been set on fire, I decided to do the right thing and put a post up asking for donations. The response has been overwhelming. So far I have: 65 litres petrol, 120 wooden pallets, 16 gas canisters, 15 boxes of out of date Chinese fireworks, 23 various knitted woolly items.

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a spider. God knows what time i crawled in this morning.

Trump

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses as a result of Rachel Reeves' recent budget announcement. A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. Dyno-rod has gone down the drain. The saddest one though is the ice cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He coulnd't take it any more and topped himself..

The family of missing 11 year old Ibrahim have released out an urgent appeal.. Is anyone available to cover his shifts for the rest of the week.

Hopefully Harry Kane will get more shots on target than Thomas Matthew Crooks.

Royal

This is your life no more

I always knew Rolf Harris was a nonce from the day i was watching Aninal Hospital and he turned and said " and next, we'll be taking a look at 2 young beavers"

Jerry Sprimger arrives at the pearly gates where he sees Len Goodman and asks " Stricly speaking, what did you think of my show" to which he replies "Its a 10 from Len"