Sickipedia

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

University: just the same as being unemployed. But your parents are proud of you.

I'll admit it - I've been behaving like a fucking self-righteous cunt all day. Or 'cycling' as it's more commonly known.

The African version of the X Factor has discovered a talented black singer by the name of Samantha Boyle. The producers are trying to think of a catchy nickname.

Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a strng of ID thefts

My huge fear right now is that our military hasn’t had enough diversity training to prepare them for this moment…

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said "Have a good day, son" "Don't call me son. You are not my dad", I replied sarcastically As the doors closed, he looked me in the eye and said "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?

I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and she kept insisting on paying for the meal. I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep fucking running!!

That moment when you slide the condom on and look at yourself in the mirror with a raging hardon. Then you tell the chemist “I’ll take it”