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Went to a Christmas panto for people suffering from paranoid schizophrenia last night. It was going well till someone shouted, He's behind you.....
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I've bought my wife a false leg for Christmas. It's not her main present though. It's just a stocking filler.....
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Special offer for Christmas: Star Trek figures, Half price. Get yours while Spocks last.
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Just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit..... It was a Lamb Bikini
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Newsflash: Jonathan Ross has been arrested after saying Christmas is a good time to put wogs on the fire.
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I've run out of anything funny to say. This is what it must feel like to be Michael Mcintyre
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My Penis looks like a Space Rocket. The wife's over the Moon.
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Me and the wife were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Bought my fat wife a new belt for her birthday yesterday. The Asteriod belt
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Finaly found something my wife's arse doesn't look big in. The distance.....
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