Sickipedia

What's the difference between two thousand sexually abused children in Rotherham and a few broken windows at the Holiday Inn? If you're the Prime Minister, fuck all.

The bells, the bells... Run like fuck Quasimodo, that's the fire alarm.

I've started a Facebook page and a GoFundMe to raise £30,000 for someone missing abroad for nine days. Harry Kane.

After losing yet another appeal, human rights lawyers representing Shamima Begum promise to continue and will not stop until their swimming pools, Ferraris and villa in Spain are fully paid for.

Today I married a lovely girl that works for Lidl. I picked up some drill-bits and cycling socks as I walked her down the aisle.

What's 7 inches and fucks black guys? Mason Greenwood's girlfriend's iPhone.

I must say Keir Starmer is doing an excellent job as Prime Minister. Because if I said what I really think, the cunt would have me jailed.

I walked into Tesco and asked for a bag for death. "Don't you mean bag for life?" "No, it's to put kittens in to throw into the canal"

What's black and doesn't work? Half of Gareth Southgate's selections. What's white and doesn't work? The other half. (nod to universalcredit and the old site).

It looks like Lord Alli has been penetrating Sir Kier's inner circle for some time.