Sickipedia

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

Everyone is going on about how well Kylie Jenner did to hide her child for that long. I think Gerry and Kate McCann won that one.

2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people: They need money for drugs. I need money for drugs.

A boy walks into a whore house dragging a dead frog tied to a string. He says to the hostess, "I want the cheapest, dirtiest whore you've got." The lady says, "alright kid, room number 10." He throws the lady a tip and goes to the room. He has his way with the whore for a while and leaves feeling accomplished. The hostess stops the boy and says "Hey kid, I gotta ask. What made you want the dirtiest whore we have?" The boy says, "Well, later, mom and dad will still be at work and I'll go to my babysitter. The baby sitter will touch me and hopefully catch what ever disease I just got from that whore. Then, dad will come and pick me up, but before we leave, he'll sleep with the baby sitter and get the disease. Then when we go home, mommy will come home from work and sleep with daddy, giving her the disease. Then tomorrow morning when daddy leaves for work, the mail man will come and sleep with my mom, and then he will get the disease." "AND THAT'S THE CUNT WHO RAN OVER MY FROG"

A 6ft tall fly knocked on my door today. He punched me in the guts and called me fatty. Apparently there is a nasty bug going around.

Was out with the new girlfriend when a mouse jumps out of nowhere, to impress her I bricked the little fucker I'm now single. And banned from Disneyland.

I think women are poor build robots and are loosing parts

What men look for in a woman

Worst trade deal

A family is in a car accident. Only the six year old boy can escape before the car falls off the cliff, orphaning him instantly. Shortly after, another car approaches and a man gets out. "What's wrong, bud?" The man asks. The boy replies "my mommy and daddy just fell off the cliff in that car," tears in his eyes. "Well, today is just not your day," says the man as he undoes his belt.