Sickipedia

attempt at a greeting card for the terminally ill So sorry to hear You’re going to die Instead of ‘get well’ I’m saying goodbye. (Thanks to stickyagain for the idea)

When did Susan Boyle become spokesman of DUP?

“If I died,’ the wife asked, “would you re-marry?” “Oh, no,” I said, trying to nip this in the bud. ‘You, you don’t like being married?,” she asked, tears forming. “Oh, I do. I suppose I would re-marry, yes.’ “Would you take down the photos of me, and put up photos of her?” “Well, yes. She might not feel comfortable with photos of you around.” “Would she sleep in our bed?” ‘I think so. Married couples share beds.” “Would she use my golf clubs?” “Oh heavens no. She’s left-handed.” —(My uncle likely stole this from somewhere…)

BBC: Liverpool Mayor calls for Inquiry over Atletico match, Coronavirus Outbreak Lovely. Prepare for 30 years of moaning about Covid-96

So Liverpool are suddenly good at football. I remember when it was just fencing and squash.

‘Remember the 96.’ ‘You mean the 96 we could have scored at Old Trafford?’

So they’re going to open the Queen’s funeral with ‘God Save the Queen’. This made no sense to me, as it seems to be a song sung too late. Still, Johnny Rotten did offer to perform it live, so, I guess, why not?

How long was Rehan Baig’s sentence? A poultry three years?

Does Dianne Abbott drink heavily, or is she just fucking stupid?

First time voter, 19. I don’t know whether to vote for Johnson’s Brexit or Corbyn’s free tuition. I guess I’ll just vote for Swinson’s tits.