Sickipedia

Tesco says they are to axe 1,800 jobs in their bakeries. They hope the staff will find new rolls to fill.

MAGA-pie?

Police have found the body of missing student Olisa Odukwe in Bristol Harbour. There again, it could be the missing statue of Edward Colston.

Sad news: my mate got crushed earlier today by a pile of books. He's only got his shelf to blame.

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left with the hope that she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed over to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family returned to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. “So ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” “It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

A man has been found dead in Minffordd, Penrhyndeudraeth, Gwynedd. Meanwhile, 6 of tonight's newscasters have phoned in sick.

Police Officer PC Ryan Connolly has been sacked for taking ''appalling homophobic, racist and offensive images''. Own up, which username are you using?

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My gran died earlier today in a rail accident and I feel really bad about it. After all, I was the one who fitted the curtains.

Which member is that for?