Sickipedia

MAGA-pie?

Dodgy curry

Sad news: my mate got crushed earlier today by a pile of books. He's only got his shelf to blame.

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left with the hope that she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed over to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family returned to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. “So ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” “It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

Rat-tatouille

Rhiannon Evans, 25, has been given a community order by Mold Crown Court for harassment, after filming herself farting and sending the videos to her partner's ex. Something doesn't smell right. I'm glad police have got to the bottom of this.

Scousers

''Don't Look Back In Ang ... Arrggghhhh!''

UK Heatwave latest; Scotland has recorded it's highest temperature in 12 years. Currently 5 degrees.

Slurry Up