Sickipedia

A woman's fanny is like a shed roof. If you don't nail it hard enough, it will end up next door.

I was walking through a Saudi Arabian market when I saw a guy getting his hand stitched back on. I said, “I see you won your appeal!”.

Vowels are sexy. When was the last time you yelled out a consonant during orgasm?.

I was standing in the bus queue the other day behind a pregnant lady. Trying to appear friendly, I asked her, "When are you due?" It was then that I realised that she wasn't pregnant, just really fat, but luckily I managed to cover my tracks by adding, "...for another snack?

The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00am, 8:06am, 8:11am, 8:13am, and 8:14am

Anal sex, it's cheaper than laxatives.

As my wife lay in the coma the doctors approached the life support machine. "No, no, please," I sobbed, "just a little while longer. ' But my pleading didn't help. They woke her up.

I walked up to a girl in a bar and said, "You look like somebody who has a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you back to my house and give you the best shag ever." She said, "My boyfriend is right behind you." "Good, I'm glad I've got his support."

I've spent weeks studying the periodic table and I still can't find the element of surprise.

So if you use the Olympic logo anywhere you are infringing on their copyright...... OoOoO I'm so scared!