Sickipedia

When the Bible said Cardinal Pell should give little children succour, God should have known he might take it literally

How do you know you have met a level-headed Brit? He dribbles from both sides of mouth simultaneously.

So Camilla was assaulted? - in fact he thought she was lost and just wanted to do was put a saddle on her and ride her home.

It has become even harder to identify the cause of the Air India crash - there are so many black boxes scattered around, the searchers did not know where to begin.

Terrible news about Mike Lynch going down with his daughter - nowadays we have to be grateful that he did not go down ON her

I asked Nigel Farage if he was afraid of sheep. "I dunno" he replied, "Is lamb a phobia?"

Germany is trying to apologise to Israel for the Nazi era but insists they still have to pay the gas bill.

New Definitions Symbolic – Imitation testicle Flattered - Someone stepped on it after a coypu passed by Fettered – Interestingly shaped Greek cheese Unfettered – Vegan Greek salad Anabolic – a. And what would you like with your penis transplant, Sir? b. That goes nicely with your transition, Miss. Deterred – Clean up after falling over in Kilburn Panting – Jamaican cooking device Brucellosis – a disease only affecting Australians Hospice – Tasting note for American beer Balloon – Mad sheep Undeterred – An age-related accident Diphthong – Low beam underwear Harpist – After drinking a six-pack of Special Brew Contagious – The time it takes for an old git to do anything Melancholy – A fruit that rounds up sheep Focaccia – a. Jeffrey has written another crap book b. Carrie has fun in the hayloft Judicious – Kosher washing up liquid Subdued – Kosher underwater device Osmosis – Biblical Australian character

The 'trickle down effect' being promoted by Trussenomics is just the rich pissing on the poor.

I'm considering making a film about King Charles III and how he got to the throne - ' Two Weddings and a Funeral'.