Sickipedia

Isn't it amazing when your dying with Flu and feeling like shit, You can still always muster just enough energy for a wank.

A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train. The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from." Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from." Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What's the difference between a baby and a dryer? A dryer doesn't scream when I dump a load in it

Ever since I became a cop I have to deal with rape victims on a daily basis. Apparently women trust you much more when you wear a police uniform.

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

I'm gonna name my first born son retarded. So that if people ask me if I'm fucking retarded, I can say yes.

Why are there so many children suicides bombers? Where do you think the older ones get their 72 virgins?

What do Mexicans use to cut pizza? Little Caesars.

When do people with Down Syndrome lose their virginity? They're fucked from birth