Sickipedia

Anyone interested in a free ride in a Helicopter, it’s a flight for 4 people. I’m still looking for 2 more to join us. We leave early next Saturday morning (Aug 7th) from Newcastle and will fly to Poole where we will have a late breakfast and then onto a yacht for lunch. Then we’ll do a flight to Jersey and return to Poole for dinner, then fly back home. If interested please message me Preferably someone with a Helicopter and Yacht; otherwise we can’t go.

Following the 41 gun salute in Portsmouth this afternoon, President Macron of France has phoned Boris Johnson to surrender just in case.

My Indian girlfriend said I could give her a facial. I almost came on the spot.

Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clocks broken and Im wide awake. Not sure who won.

As A child I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs and sex by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that testing your testicles for lumps turns into a sly wank

I’m so glad I was taught how to play the recorder at school. It has come in really handy in adult life. I lost count of the times I’ve resolved a difficult situation with a quick blast of three blind mice.

IMPORTANT NEWSFLASH !!!! For all the grieving Jeremy Kyle fans.... The Job Centre opens at 9am

My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. She has no sense of humour.